Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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