the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's always time for handjobs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
