Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
