I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
