How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
