I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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