there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
