What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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