That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
