You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
