girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
