so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
