Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
