my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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