I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
