I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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