When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
