A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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