I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
