Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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