my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
birth control should be required to get into college
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
