i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
