I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
