I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
