Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
