I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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