I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
