I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This baby is an asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
