help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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