i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
