i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
