part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
