I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
