You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
