my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
