oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
