Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
