last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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