i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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