Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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