My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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