i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
