I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't deserve a penis
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
