it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
