Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
