Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
