Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
