I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
