you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
