Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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