How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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