Ketchup is God's man juice
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
