I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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