I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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