Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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