I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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